A big issue that I see people struggling with is the pursuit of a fantasy. Most people are addicted to this fantasy.
I could hear you asking, “what exactly is a fantasy?”
A fantasy has many components and definitions, but to keep it simple, a fantasy is the idea that everything is supposed to be one-sided. It is an illusion, because we don’t live in a one-sided world.
Therefore, a fantasy is not balanced. In order to provide with balance you will attract a nightmare that will show you the other side. The bigger your unrealistic expectation, the bigger the nightmare will be that bites you in your ass! This nightmare is always present, but often the fantasy blinds you so much that you only see the nightmare long after.
What are your fantasies?
- Are you supposed to be happy all the time and you feel depressed when you’re not?
- Do you keep looking for your soulmate who will be there for you all the time and if he/she is not you throw them away, looking for the next one?
- Are you looking for alcohol, drugs and sex because you think it will be fun and makes you feel better?
What do you consistently keep looking for that keeps hurting you also? There is nothing that can provide you pleasure and happiness 100% of the time! In fact, when something only gives you support and happiness all the time, don’t you start to get bored and frustrated? We need both support AND challenges to grow and be fulfilled in life.
The process to dissolve your fantasies is simple, but it is not easy. Most people like to put their head underground instead of dealing with their issues.
Steps to dissolving fantasies
So what can you do?
- Identify the fantasy you have. Use only one fantasy per process
- Identify all of the nightmares which you have experienced or will experience in the pursuit of the fantasy.
For example:
Step 1: the fantasy is to have hot sex all day and night.
Step 2: the nightmares are – it takes a long time to find, it costs a lot of your time and energy, perhaps even money. After the sex you attract drama and confusion. You compare potential mates to your night of hot sex and create unrealistic images. A feeling of emptiness and loneliness when you can’t continue the sex. Being out of your rhythm for weeks due to lack of sleep. Etc, etc, etc.
When you give in to your fantasies you feel up and down. You either live in a future moment or remember a past moment in your fantasy. Another sign is that you are constantly looking and not being grateful for where you are right now.
When you have dissolved your illusions you feel present. You feel grateful for your life right at this moment, including gratitude for learning how to dissolve your fantasies. Furthermore you create realistic plans for your goals that includes contingency plans, instead of going for that quick fix/feeling/high/unrealistic one-sidedness.
Now I would love to hear from you. What fantasy or fantasies do you pursue that need to be balanced? Leave your comment in the section below.
Wisdom is the recognition that both parts fill your life.
Love & wisdom,
Bart
